constructing safe spaces for tough conversations
Creating a container for the hard thing to be talked about…
Sometimes in the workplace, we need to create a container for the hard things to be talked about. You know, the conversations we’re avoiding: the tone when someone talks to you, how someone interacted with you on a project, how decisions need to be made and reach resolution, etc.
In navigating difficult conversations, creating the right container for people to feel psychologically safe is what’s necessary to foster constructive dialogue.
Here are key points to keep in mind:
These conversations don’t just happen. You have to create the opening with intentionality and thought. Sometimes, setting aside part of the offsite day to have hard conversations with the help of a neutral facilitator can help propel the team forward.
You have to tee these conversations up so that people are not on the defense, but rather with the intention that this is to uplevel one another, and clear the air. It is vital that people are not scared to take personal responsibility, but rather everyone is willing to see their honest part in taking personal responsibility.
In addition, each participant must take personal responsibility in taking ownership of the conversation's environment. Each participant must recognize their role in establishing a safe and respectful space. This involves being mindful of words, actions, and biases to ensure open communication.Be willing to roll up your sleeves and get into the nitty gritty. Some conversations may take more than a few minutes to resolve, and it’s important to take that time to fully resolve it. Obviously take bathroom breaks, but sometimes solving the big thing and sitting there all day solving the big thing is actually exactly what the team is supposed to be doing, because without that solved, they can’t get to the other, more constructive stuff, and actually hear each other.
Focus on active listening, empathy, and understanding differing perspectives. Pay attention to non-verbal cues and create an atmosphere where everyone feels heard and valued.These conversations bring out the answer within us and then the incredible thing about the container is something profound happens when you are witnessed in it. Difficult conversations often unearth personal insights. Use these moments to reflect on your own reactions, biases, and areas for growth, and actually see and understand one another. Embrace discomfort as a catalyst for self-awareness and improvement.
Ever heard of the mattress and the pea? It’s the fable when a princess slept on 20 mattresses on top of a pea, and she couldn’t sleep all night because there was something uncomfortable (the pea) beneath all of the comfy mattresses. The point is is that avoiding uncomfortable truths is akin to hiding a pea under a mattress—it leads to discomfort and unresolved issues. Addressing challenging topics head-on prevents long-term rifts and fosters genuine connections.
Thought leaders recognize that difficult conversations are opportunities for growth, both individually and collectively. By taking personal responsibility, focusing on communication nuances, embracing self-reflection, and confronting uncomfortable truths, these leaders create containers where meaningful dialogue thrives. And it’s important in the creation of these containers to truly create psychological safety and enable each person to be seen, valued, and heard.